Look Who’s ~Smitten~! (Dakota Johnson and Machine Gun Kelly)

Dakota Johnson might have a type. And it might be beanpole singers.

Since 2025, Johnson ended her eight-year relationship with Coldplay frontman Chris Martin; had a fling (and duet) with Role Model; and now has been spotted out on the town with pop-punk-emo-rapper Machine Gun Kelly. Through it all, People Magazine has been there to dish out what the “sources” (her publicists) are saying about Johnson’s evolving love life.

In August, we learned that Johnson’s fling with Role Model (whose real name is Tucker Pilsbury) ended in an exclusive with the outlet. This time, the outlet’s source was meticulous in saying Johnson and Role Model actually broke up “a while ago,” which Deuxmoi theorized was because she was already dating someone new, which we now know for sure. According to yet another exclusive with People, published Wednesday, Johnson has moved on from Mr. Model to Mr. Gun Kelly, aka Colson Baker, aka Megan Fox’s deadbeat baby daddy.

Johnson and MGK “have been hanging out and seeing each other under the radar for months now,” a source in MGK’s camp told the outlet. Apparently, the two had met before, but really hit it off at Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce’s wedding in July.

They “started off as friends and were texting often, but now they’re spending more time together,” the source said. “It’s a very new start, but they’re smitten with each other right now.” And FYI—“smitten” is a huge milestone in tabloid speak.

“They haven’t put a label on their relationship yet, they are just seeing where spending time together will take them,” the source added.

According to Page Six, they even had a secret rendezvous at Swift’s NYC digs while she was out of town: “Taylor has let friends use her NYC properties before, and Dakota and Colson wanted privacy, so they headed to her apartment,” the source said. How generous!

While the tabloid label “smitten” denotes a certain level of relationship seriousness, the fact that they are hanging at Swift’s Fort Knox-curious apartment means this is even more serious than I presumed. You wouldn’t just let a stray man into that place for a one-night stand. Still, People‘s sources say it’s “super casual.”

I predict the next stage of this romance to hit the outlets will be that they’re “more than just a fling,” followed by a paparazzi’d double date with Taylor and Travis, followed by “his kids totally love her,” followed by “actually, they broke up……………..a while ago.” Mark my words.

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