Here are all the other games!
Game 1: Los Angeles vs. Colorado
Whoever showed up from the second wildcard spot for the West was getting fed into a woodchipper. Through a series of misadventures, it happened to be the LA Kings.
If you are wondering which of the first round series could be a sweep, this is your best bet; LA absolutely sucks at even strength and has fewer goals than even Seattle, who famously does not have talent to score. The only way I could actively see Colorado losing a game, let alone this series, is if they suddenly experienced a mass injury event or fell into the Springfield Mystery Spot. The only other realistic possibility is that Colorado’s power play is bizarrely terrible given the caliber of player they usually ice, so maybe LA could find a way to get back into games through short-handed chances…if only their own special teams weren’t apocalyptically terrible.
I dunno man. This is going to be a very short series unless the Avs just don’t show.
Game 2: Meteor Series
Montreal vs. Tampa Bay is a series designed to kill me specifically.
On one hand, the Tampa Bay Lightning are a uniquely obnoxious team; they win all the goddamn time and still have the temerity to try and juice the refs for calls, both on the ice and off of it. Even their best players are total nutcases who sometimes fly off the handle and cause grevious injury to players just because he’s feeling especially petty. And they don’t need to do that. That just brings my piss to a boil. They’re good enough that they just Do Not need to do any of that and still do it. Either because they’re petty or they’ve found the exact formula to dupe NHL refs into doing their bidding.
And on the other hand…the f!#king Habs. A team that isn’t much better than Boston at getting shots off but has the entire hockey world so happy that they’re good again. They aren’t even all that good! They just have an ok defense and a garden gnome who can score! Anybody can do that!
Here’s my answer: go as long as humanly possible. Double OT every game. Any endorsement of a team I’d like to see come out of this is just an endorsement for the next team they play to drop them unceremoniously.
Game 3: Bruins vs. Sabres
If you’re on this website, you’re probably already gonna watch that.
Game 4: Utah vs. Vegas
I don’t like Vegas. I don’t think anyone outside Nevada likes Vegas. That isn’t anything new.
I do respect the hell out of Vegas’ business ethos. I think more teams in the NHL could stand to be more like Vegas…but I draw the line exactly at Carter Hart. Even being ruthless in all things means you at least need to be able to generate positive buzz about yourself most of the time. That’s just asking for trouble. Oh, and Torts is here? Fantastic. Let’s get all the repugnant twerps in that glittering mustard sweater.
Meanwhile the Utah Mammoth have just been cruising, have been trying to find something that works to entertain their audience of largely bewildered but excited mormons, who likely have not had an outlet of violent competition in Salt Lake in a good long time. Making the playoffs in year two is a great sign; they should anyway given how young and talented they are, but what they have to do is establish a baseline in this series. Whether I like them or not, Vegas is pretty good. Great on some shifts, even. What Utah has to set is the tone for future years; can they adjust to the pressure? Can they find another gear? If not, where does the hesitation come from?
It’s all up to the Mammoth now to find out.
