Once a Jazzman, always a Jazzman, and former Utah Jazz star Rudy Gobert is an honorary member of the Jazz community for life. And thanks to perhaps the driest and most boring offseason in the history of professional basketball, I suppose fashion week is in order.
And the Stifle Tower has delivered a perfect art piece for public discussion. I present to you: Le bouc de France.
Certainly, I am no expert on facial hair. At 25 years of age, I still tragically cannot grow a full beard, much to my dismay. So when I critique another man’s face wig, it comes primarily from a source of both envy and admiration. If you can grow it, don’t mow it, and Gobert has chosen the path of artistry.
Truthfully, it’s a brilliant move from the four-time Defensive Player of the Year. Intimidation is everything in the world of sport — especially for defensive specialists like Gobert.
Just think: nearly every player who made their name on the defensive end has that edge to them. Just the right amount of crazy to strike fear in their opponents. Patrick Beverly, Draymond Green, Tony Allen, Lu Dort. The types of players who could, on any given night, destroy your career with one reckless dive, one screaming leap, or one careless elbow. It’s not a game to them; basketball is war, and they’re fighting like it. Gobert, on the other hand, has always been a much tamer presence on the court.
He’s not one to scream into the face of an adversary — he’s more of a strut-and-mean-mug type of fella. And with this new look, that mug just got a little meaner.
Any opposing guard foolish enough to beat his perimeter defender off the dribble will approach the paint only to be met by a man with a goatee. He’s a shoulder tattoo and a sleeveless denim jacket away from being a walking, talking “Don’t Tread on the Key” sign.
Or perhaps he becomes a finalist for the “Most likely to stick a fork in your plate at the BBQ” award.
The intimidation factor alone should further boost Gobert’s advanced defensive metrics, and by extension, his case for Defensive Player of the Year. Fight on, you glorious rim protector, and throw your razor blades in the trash.
Calvin Barrett is the Associate Editor for SLC Dunk. Originally from Springville, Utah, he currently lives in Japan and has covered the NBA and college athletics since 2024.
