If there’s even the slightest chance you might get ghosted, step away from the department store…
Navigating a situationship is anxiety-inducing at the best of times.
Add present politics and a large glass of Baileys into the mix and you’re basically in for a ride even more stressful than ‘It’s a Small World’ at Disneyland.
Because whether we like it or not there are certain rules when it comes to the early stages of dating.
And having a festive fling to take to Winter Wonderland might sound fun, but what do you do when the person you’re dating presents you with a perfectly wrapped gift and you don’t even have a packet of tic tacs to give them?
An un-labelled relationship = no present!
TikToker and author @Eli Rallo has been reminding her followers for years that no romantic situationship is deserving of a Christmas present.
An annual anthem for the creator, her belief system is: ‘The only time a man you are in an un-labelled relationship with should receive a holiday gift is if you’re doing a secret Santa with him, and you picked him.
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‘And even then, I would switch with a friend.’
The New York Times best-selling author goes on to emphasise that even if you’re nervous about the other person getting you a gift, don’t be! That possibility does not count as a caveat to the rule.
‘If he gets you a gift, say thank you, I really appreciate it — It’s the bare minimum, he should get you a gift! And If you want to make something, make something for your barista, you have more of a relationship with them, make something for your grandma or your dad – no label, no gift.’
One important thing to note is that Eli’s rule exclusively concerns women who’re dating straight men. She’s all for the girls spoiling the women in their lives with a present or two.
However, when it comes to a man, Eli’s advice is clear: if they don’t have enough space for you in their life, they definitely don’t have enough space for a bathroom gift set.
And I can understand her reasoning.
With so much dating fatigue in the air, it’s fair enough that people aren’t wanting to pour too much emotional or financial effort into another person, without being assured that it’s a connection that’s going to last.
That being said, everyone is different. And if you want to, you’re totally entitled to spoil someone special in your life — no matter how long you’ve been romantically involved.
How much should you spend on the person you’re dating?
A recent YouGov survey found that 46% of those who buy a partner a Christmas present say they’d typically spend less than £100, while 44% say they spend more than that amount, including 16% who say they’d spend more than £200.
But do the same rules apply to a non-labelled relationship…?
Claire Rénier, relationship expert at dating app happn, tells Metro: ‘There’s no one size fits all rule on whether you should get your situationship a Christmas gift. However, as a general rule, if you are thinking that you’d like to get a gift for your date, I’d recommend aiming for something that is in line with the level of commitment you have with this person.’
While it’s not an exact science, Kevin Mountford, personal finance expert and co-founder of Raisin UK, previously shared with Metro that it’s important to be aware of your partner’s financial tendencies or habits — as this can help infer your own actions when it comes to gift-giving.
Lovehoney’s relationship expert, Annabelle Knight, also reminds people to ask themselves: ‘Is gift giving one of their love languages?’
She adds: ‘Love shouldn’t come with a financial hangover, so it’s important to consider affordability when buying gifts for a significant other.’
If you’ve only been seeing each for a few weeks in the lead up to Christmas, Anabelle suggests focusing on ‘small gestures costing less than £10.’
Spending a tenner on some flowers or a small ‘I saw this and thought of you’ token is definitely a meaningful gesture — plus it won’t break the bank. However, it might be worth considering how personal the gift you’re giving is.
Claire adds to this point, advising spending only up to £10 if you’re early on in the relationship or situationship, but saying that you could increase this to around £20 if it’s been a few months of dating.
The main thing to remember, Claire notes, is that ‘if it’s very early on I would avoid spending too much or giving them something that’s more on the sentimental side, as this could suggest a level of interest that they might not want to reciprocate, or could put pressure on them to go above and beyond what they were planning to give you.’
She continues: ‘Sticking to something on the smaller, non-sentimental side is still a great way to show them you care without suggesting anything more.’
Does no present mean you don’t care?
‘On the other hand,’ Claire quips, ‘if you’ve been dating someone for a few months, it might not be appropriate to get them nothing at all or something on the cheaper side.’
If you find yourself in a position questioning this, it might be worth having a conversation with the person you’re dating to try and get a reading on whether or not they’re interested in exchanging gifts.
But if the thought of that sends you into a manic spiral, Claire encourages people to just focus on gift-giving that falls in line with the level of commitment on display.
And remember, Claire adds, ‘keep it fun — sometimes your connection itself could be the best gift.’
