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Dear Eric: My two children have started to become friends with the two children who live next door, which is great. Related Articles Asking Eric: I’m still steaming about how they trampled my holiday plans Asking Eric: I refuse to have the best man’s wife at my wedding Asking Eric: Hank was my father’s best friend but I don’t want him in my life Asking Eric: My neighbor seems nice but I hear she’s a liar. Should I ignore her overtures? Asking Eric: After all these years, I want to confront my sister about what she said They’re similar ages, and I generally get along with their mother while we stand outside and supervise. The problem is that my older child, who is 5, has started to ask about playing in the neighbor’s home instead of in the front yard. I am not OK with that. The neighbors are fine at arm’s length, but there is for sure domestic violence in their relationship. It isn’t a daily occurrence, but there is alcohol abuse, visible injuries and the police. How can I explain to my child that while the neighbor kids are fun and we can be friends, we are not going to visit them in their home? I also don’t want my child saying anything that will hurt her friends’ feelings, because the situation certainly isn’t their fault. – Cautious Playtime Dear Playtime: There are many things from which parents want to shield their children, things that the children aren’t yet equipped to understand. So, a succinct but firm explanation may leave some things unanswered for your kids while still keeping them safe. Try an explanation that keeps the focus on yourself, like “I need to see you when you’re playing, and I don’t have time to go over to the neighbors’ house.” Or “I’m more comfortable with you all playing in the yard.” You can also invite the neighbor children over to your home instead. While the neighbor’s children aren’t your responsibility, you are an adult who has eyes on them at times and is aware of some of the dysfunction in the house. There may come a time that you see something that makes you concerned for their welfare. Be proactive about reaching out for help for them, and for their parents. Similarly, if you have the opportunity, check in with one or both of the neighbors individually to see if they need outside support or a connection to the National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org/1-800-799-SAFE). Dear Eric: My 92-year-old father and my 66-year-old brother live together in another state. My father lives at home, is completely functional, drives and can take care of himself. My brother is independent and takes trips frequently. My issue is visiting them, something I feel like I need/want to do on a regular basis. Their house is livable, but not very clean. It’s not horrible, but it is dirtier than I can comfortably be inside of for very long. I have offered to clean when I’m there, but my father seems to take this as an insult to his pride and then bans me from doing any cleaning. Neither washes his hands in the kitchen. Both handle food at mealtime, and invariably I get sick every time I go there. I offer to take over the kitchen duties, but neither seems to let go of handling things in the kitchen. I try to minimize my time there as much as possible by picking up my father and taking him on trips. I stay only a few days and really dread going. I’m asking if you have any advice for making these visits work, or how. My father will not hear of me going to a motel, and if I did, he would insist on eating together at his home. I appreciate any advice you have. – Safe Visits Dear Visits: I know you write that your father won’t hear of you staying elsewhere, but the best path forward may necessitate making that non-negotiable. It doesn’t need a lot of discussion; if he persists, you can remind him that you and he have different at-home comfort levels and you’ve talked about this before. Assure him that you want the focus of your visits to be on him, and so the easiest way to do that is to remove obstacles that…

DEAR HARRIETTE: Last year, I helped my close friend through a tough time when she was struggling financially and feeling lonely, but now that she’s in a better situation, she has completely stopped talking to me. Related Articles Harriette Cole: They thought my weight gain was funny Harriette Cole: The son I didn’t know I had is upsetting my household Harriette Cole: My child witnessed my unfortunate exchange with this woman Harriette Cole: I know it seems petty, but I don’t want to give her pants back Harriette Cole: I should’ve put my foot down long ago. Is it time for divorce? I was not only a friend who was there for her emotionally, I also supported her financially. She had recently gotten divorced and lost her job, so I sent her money to help pay her rent, with no expectation that she would pay me back. I also spent a lot of time helping her look for jobs. She landed a well-paying job through a connection of mine, and she is now also dating again. As a result of her newfound success, she doesn’t care to talk to me anymore. It feels like she used me when she needed help, and now that her life has improved, she has forgotten about me. I’m hurt and confused, and I don’t know if I should confront her, let her go or try to be understanding. Was I ignorant to be so generous, or is this just part of friendship sometimes? How do I move forward without feeling bitter? — Forgotten DEAR FORGOTTEN: Try to separate your feelings of abandonment from this friend and what you did for her. Since you wanted to support her financially and also help her get a job, allow those things to sit without judgment around them. You helped her to the best of your ability during a tough time. Now that she has healed from the emotional and financial shock that hit her system, she is putting herself out there and living her life. Be happy that she is bouncing back and finding a healthy rhythm. At the same time, you can feel sad. Rather than loading her up with the baggage of her not thinking about you now that things are good — even though you were there for her when she was in need — let her know that you miss her. Ask her, directly but without reproach, if she will make a little time to spend with you. DEAR HARRIETTE: I was in an intense relationship for about a year, but I’ve been single again for a few months. I want to date again, but I find myself analyzing every move a new guy makes as I worry about whether he will turn out to be like my ex in the worst of ways. I feel like I am assuming bad intentions from anybody who gets near me thanks to him. How can I free myself of the past? — Not Him Related Articles Asking Eric: There’s trouble next door, and I can’t tell my 5-year-old what’s going on Miss Manners: What should I say to a woman who has defaced herself with a tattoo? Dear Abby: How can I make my parents put down their phones and be in the world? Asking Eric: I’m still steaming about how they trampled my holiday plans Harriette Cole: They thought my weight gain was funny DEAR NOT HIM: Go back to basics. Write out the qualities that you appreciate in a partner and those that you do not. Be clear about what you hope your next partner will behave like and what is unacceptable. When you meet new people, measure them against your values — not your ex’s faults. Assume the positive, even as you move slowly. If you need to work through any of the baggage from your past relationship, invest in a therapist. Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.